"Fleeting Feelings" - Out Now

 My First poetry book is out now!

I am thankful for all the people who read my writings, encouraged me and gave me their feedback.

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from the diaries of Tanvi

Invite me into your dream
You will be the king, I will be the queen
We will take our horses and ride
Across the pastures of our desire
Along the mountains of our ambition 
Through the breeze of our intuition
Our horses gallop amid the trees
Their pace resembling our heartbeat
We will lie down beside the lake
In the grass, at the sky we stare
The azure vastness above us bright
Where slowly drifting clouds reside
We don't hug, we don't even touch 
But it feels natural to be just us, like that
We will wait there till the stars show up
Lighting the dark sky and our desire to hug
We will take a boat and go deep into the lake
Stopping in the middle, at a mesmerizing place
Where the surface of the water reflects what's above
As if we are in between two skies - with one below
The whole world will be ours, just you and me
We will make our own kingdom like Adam and Eve.

जा सनम ..

The song starts playing and 
I look towards the sky
eagerly searching for the moon
I tend to gaze in its eye

It turns into a known face
digging my heart with spades
Pulling out buried old memories;
With every thought my heart aches

Every line of the song slowly
and surreptitiously recreates
A world out of the incidents and
hidden feelings of those days

I wonder at the innocent desires
plans and promises that were made
The anxiety and adrenaline I had
The path I have taken & the one I laid

And as the song reaches its end
I sing along the lines wiping a tear
Treating every word that comes out
As an orphaned wish and a silent prayer.

---------------------------
song: जा सनम 
movie: ना तुम जनों ना हम 

...शायद कभी कहीं तुम्हें ,
मेरी मिले खबर ,
कर लेना याद बस मुझे, 
मुमकिन हो ये अगर..

Em!

There is a solace in your songs,
As if someone is embracing me in their arms,

They take me to a place I want to be,

They ease my heart and give me peace!

This, We Rap

I tried my hand at dissing someone, and my pen has really given a stab!

A Psychotic version, one in a million specimen, miniature king Kong,

For your uncouth and disheveled behavior I hereby present you a song,

You suffer from diarrhea, you stink and you leak shit wherever you go,

You got a loose tongue; I am talking about the shit that comes out of your mouth

Bloated belly smoke engine, you also suffer from malnutrition on reality

Your opinion of Ram is great is not going to help you in a war with me

I was once warned not to go for a fight with a pig, cause it got nothing to loose

Falling in the mud, I get dirt and its gonna enjoy, it seems to be the same with you

But hell I care of what you think, if you pull me down, I might as well piss

Either way your dumb retarded mind can’t differentiate a hit from a miss

Your disease is the brain freeze; your mind reboots every few mins it starts

You gape in air, like ape you stare, a smell of farts spreads as you pass

You talk about rules, as if on booze, you don’t get half of what's being said

An irrational git, an imprudent jerk, are the proper terms for you that fit

A farce in the name of head of the pack, your own wolves are ready to attack

as they have been kept in hunger for too long, teasing and telling a pile of crap

Interestingly if you ever read these lines, you will not even realize

That every single word is aimed at you and you would simply prove them right

what the song did to me!

It starts with an enticing voice calling me somewhere indicating something interesting is happening. Then it tells me that the interesting thing is me. It pulls me with tender hands and makes me do a soft dance. It pushes me teasingly and sends me up in the air with its gentle pushes. I fall down. It catches me and swings me higher. After few more swings, it gives one final push and sends me floating in the air. I slowly descend from the sky, lying on my back. It gives time to tranquilize, my anxiousness settles and heart beat returns to normal. No sooner I feel in control, it spins me around and launches me in the air leaving me helpless to feel the full effect of the free fall. But miraculously, I fall on a soft bed. I keep sinking in it till I slow down and stand up by myself.

Someone screams my name and I consciously close the door on this bliss and return to my work, smiling at myself.

Eco song

Look around you and tell me what you see,

Don’t you realize what you are doing to me?

If only our planet earth could speak,

And asked to answer your actions, are you ready?

I have set the clock running

But you are trying to stop it from turning,

Nurturing the first life form I enabled evolution,

But you are sterilizing me with industrial revolution

You are choking me with plastic , draping air with acids,

Became a termite virus and destroyed the whole forests

Look around you and tell me what you see,

Don’t you realize what you are doing to me?

If only our planet earth could speak,

And asked to answer your actions, are you ready?

Now I can give you no more rain, who else is to blame,

The Living heart quenches its thirst with tears in pain,

beautiful ice castles that I built in different shapes

Are melting down in the rising carbon heat waves

I have shown my wrath, you have seen the Tsunami,

But you still don’t seem to stop in exploiting me

Look around you and tell me what you see,

Don’t you realize what you are doing to me?

This is how the earth would speak,

Come lets correct our mistakes, are you ready?

Lets own a tree each and plant a thousand others

As a homage to one tree that withers,

Lets save electricity and use resources dutiful

Let day be bright and let night - dark and beautiful

Lets recycle most and reduce our carbon foot print

Lets go green for a future - colorful and magnificent

Look around you and tell everyone you see,

That we have planned how this is going to be,

To hand our future generations a home,

So marvelous and breathtaking indeed.

Confession!

She said it loud, not that everyone had to hear it, there were only two of us present. She was ascertaining her feeling by saying it aloud so that every part of her understands and acts accordingly and that every part of mine does the same. Her body was so heated up with the feeling that I could see slight movement in her hands and the heat was melting her thoughts into water that I could see in her eyes. The moment robbed us of words. I could see the sincerity in her eyes. Her feeling was so pure and truthful, I was moved. I had to take a step back to bottle the scene for drinking it up later when I can digest it. There were no metaphors or similes, no quotes or sayings. They were three simple words telling what she felt, what she believes and what the base of her actions towards me is going to be. That day for the first time she openly said, "I hate you".

Why!

They hate me even before they see,

they treat me like some kind of freak

But i have got a smile on my face,

and just a different kind of taste.

My jokes are little practical,

I am a different class of criminal.

Another man in the city, no one mysterious,

now, now, .. why so serious?!

Change..

In a suburb train. It's cold inside because of the AC. Outside because of the rain that is about to start. Train starts. I am going far off from the life I had till now. The life I have been dying {to live} fighting with each and everything that came in my way. Struggling to win a fight between myself & nothingness. Facing the life of helplessness and friendlessness. As the train catches speed I look at the glass widow. {Water starts to accumulate on the window pane} It starts to rain and a single stream of water comes out my eyes stealthily, helplessly. The image of the city gets messier through the window pane. Within no time I see only water. On the window, on my face, in my hands. I try hard to erase the memories of the past. I move my head to the sides slowly no to get noticed, consciously trying to shake off the memories from my head & tears rolling from my eyes. I stare at the window. After a while my mind goes blank and I start to feel my face drying up, hardening the path the tears has created on my face. I don't know how long it was. It seemed that a long time has passed yet it seemed just a while ago.

The window glass is filled with water and mist. The window pane becomes opaque. My eyes close as if longing for rest and sleep from a long time. I sleep unaware of my surroundings.

I wake up for the jerks of the train. The first thing I do is look towards/through the window to know where I am. I notice the water drops and mist surrounding the window slowly fading. The glass starts to become clean and transparent again.

I feel a sense of calmness inside me. The calmness after a frightening storm or a threatening war. The clouds have cleared. What I see is completely new, green and cheerful.

It was as if the water came to clear the picture that I was seeing {through window}, the picture I disliked and replacing it with something bright, lovely and filled with hope.

The train came to a halt at my stop. I got down and moved on with new hope and aspirations. I moved on.

I slipped

I reached the coffee day holding a packet of ice cubes with hand on my head. My friends were a little surprised to see me so, as I was perfectly fine the last evening when they left me. The obvious and common question before morning wishes were exchanged was "What happened?". I delayed the explanation to fuel myself with a cup of hot cappuccino and started with "Last night..

..as I prepared my bed and lied on it, just as I was about to sleep, I sensed my room was slowly getting cooler. I wondered if I was sleeping on the remote of my AC. No, I wasn’t. The window was open and the curtains were fluttering to the wind that was trying to tear them off. I stood up and went near the window to close it. What I saw as I neared the window was breathtaking. Though I liked the view of the city from my window, I never knew it was so exhilarating. My room was on the 99th floor of the Towers building. The last floor of the tallest tower in the city. I stepped in through the window to the balcony. The balcony was specifically designed as a safe side just in case people came near to the window and let things slip their hands in the shock from the scenery before them. As I completely came into the balcony, owing to my slim body, I was oscillating to the fiery cool wind at such high altitude. I was also slightly shivering. I stood at the edge curious to see how it looked below. At such a height I hoped it was the same as above , everything clear and covered in clouds and mist. As I looked below I felt something pulling me down. I stepped back with a jerk. I let the feeling settle for few seconds. I thought this time I would look at it without being overcome by trepidation. I watched the emptiness below my feet and then looked at the one above. Then I heard some noise inside the room. For a moment, I forgot where I was and turned back. I lost balance and I slipped.

When I woke up I thought - my head hit the floor very hard."

kaafi hai

इन पलों को दिल में कैद रखो,

सालों बाद यूँ हो न हो,

तब जब मिलें तो काफी है अगर तुम ये कहो,

"हाँ यार तुम मुझे याद हो"

for her…

They don’t call it breaking down,
Life is all about bearing it and going on

It doesn’t always turn as we expect it,
We just dream and plan and we work for it.

In relations, you always have to choose,
In one view  you win, in another you lose.

Talking about me! I am not so nice
that you would want me more that twice.

I’ve taken a decision & will stick to my pain,
Want us to be in touch so you won’t cry if we meet again.

I can help you lady, if you can’t forget the past,
Its spring time, shed your tears & have a blast.

what are you afraid of when you can commit at an early age!
You r more matured now, you can judge what’s true & what’s fake.

Life ain’t small to stop after a single feeling,
Take a look inside, there is still room till the ceiling.

Change your motto to: Live, love, enjoy, regale!
There’s so big a life between THE inhale & THE exhale.

You mourned enough, now its time to leave it and go,
From now on I say – Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.

आदत..

ज़िन्दगी के सफर में भागने की आदत थी हमारी,
सोचे बिना किसी को चाहने की आदत थी हमारी,
किसी के गाड़ी से टकराना ही था क्यूंकि,
सड़क के दोनों तरफ़ देखे बिना पार करने की आदत थी हमारी...

when they came..

This little poem is dedicated to my friends who came to my house as a part of a tour on 13-02-2007. The one day trip and that night gave my life a completely different turn that led me into an unforgettable paradise. Thanks once again my friends.

Every moment,in my thoughts,vividly i can find,
I wonder how come I have the day still in my mind
In my house I stand still at the door,
as I imagine you walking across the floor
I stay speechless in the corner,as I see
in my mind's eye,you all shouting, playing housie*.
While walking through rooms I step aside,
to make way for you and your thoughts inside
I ask mom for few more cups of tea,
feeling that you are still beside me.
I can feel your presence at every place,
I remember the smile and joy on each one's face.
I smile for no reason,I cry without knowing,
I become numb ,as I picture you all leaving.
I have your thoughts but I miss you for sure,
Thanks for the thoughts,thanks for coming to the tour..

* an indoor game

As we go..

have you ever talked different
to convey the same meaning
have you ever tried to feel a stranger
as if he too was trying
have you ever tried to dot the joints
or seperate the ends
have you ever lived every minute
just to remember the seconds
better we go exploring life,though it takes
no matter how many bends
and enjoy the music before the song ends.

msg to my best friend...

many a times i wanted u to sleep beside me,
so that i can hug u when i get a nightmare,
but i dint want u to know that i was scared,
so whenever i was, i hugged empty air...

not the same

It was a casual meet, the first time v met each other,
felt she was different but dint expect v'd gel together,
got used to the casual meets and i became her casuality,
she killed me everytime she said no need of any formality,
after the obvious exchange of like and dislikes,i started to impress her,
surpising her wit things she loved and got closer than ever,
i always felt happy wen i gave her wat she wanted,
and wen i couldn't get it she sometimes wantedly taunted
her mind was fickle, the same was the case with her heart,
sometimes she hated the one she liked,so was the state of art
that attitude hurt me, i can't change too quick,
nevertheless i followed her like the flame on candle's wick
that follows the air how ever it blows,
slowly i started accepting it and kept myself on the toes,
i tried explaining her about her way of thinking,
tried to make her understand its not a way of living,
one should have a stable mind not a confusing one,
soon u wud loose interest in everything, u cant even hav fun,
but alas! she never gave an ear to my word,
innocent she felt proud to be apart from the normal crowd,
one day our talk lead to an argument,
that ended with her blaming me,
she couldn't take any firm decision,her mind was swift
she wanted everything and yes, she was a spendthrift
she left me,saying that i have changed,
i found it difficult to say..
look back into ur life u'l get the reason for the same

जब से उसने इनकार करदिया है, 

ज़िन्दगी का नजरिया बदल गया है,

जिस तन्हाई में पहले तड़पते थे,

अब उसी तन्हाई से हमें प्यार होने लगा है...

tanhai....

दिल का दर्द छुपाना कितना मुश्किल है,

टूट कर फिर मुस्कराना कितना मुश्किल है,

दूर तक चलो जब किसी के साथ तो फिर,

तनहा लौट के आना कितना मुश्किल है ....

NM