Its different. Cant give u the reason but i know its different. I've been in journeys like this before. its different. I can feel it. The happiness,the little bit can-be-taken-care-later grief is not there! did i change? or is it that I'm so used to them that i cant recognize them or differentiate them from ordinary feelings. Its again the same reason, i don't know. But i feel some security in this state of heart and mind.
Change is constant. Nothing is yours. You r just another passenger tryin to find a reason to identify/state yourself apart from the others. How all these statements sound true at the same time now! i wonder.
Am i alone? no. I'm surrounded by sounds of laughter,pain,authority, sounds of life and images of togetherness,insecurity,solitude,images of existence....but y doesn't anything affect me? I look indifferent to all of them. Is it the result of fleeting happiness that i cant share and a constant nagging pain which no one will wish to share.It takes real guts to deny both. The trouble starts when u acknowledge them again and again. But for the 'time-being' its irrelevant. Time stops for none. Once u r in its web, u escape living. U have to. There's no choice in it.
The only choice u have is how u live.
I'm tired.I want to stop the image feed to the brain. But i see a different world altogether when i close my eyes.Does this show that I detest the reality which I'm suppose to live in or does it show my inability to shut the brain for sometime or as long as i want. The only thing i do is to give myself to the dizziness.I sleep.I dream.Time moves. Something from the reality reaches into my dreams and transports me to the now(present).I wake up. Not long enough, i long to slumber again.time moves.I do nothing but time moves. After few repetitions i no longer feel sleepy.My eye lids refuse to close.Even blinking becomes alien.I just watch. Watch people do things.Watch things happen and time move.
