Change..

In a suburb train. It's cold inside because of the AC. Outside because of the rain that is about to start. Train starts. I am going far off from the life I had till now. The life I have been dying {to live} fighting with each and everything that came in my way. Struggling to win a fight between myself & nothingness. Facing the life of helplessness and friendlessness. As the train catches speed I look at the glass widow. {Water starts to accumulate on the window pane} It starts to rain and a single stream of water comes out my eyes stealthily, helplessly. The image of the city gets messier through the window pane. Within no time I see only water. On the window, on my face, in my hands. I try hard to erase the memories of the past. I move my head to the sides slowly no to get noticed, consciously trying to shake off the memories from my head & tears rolling from my eyes. I stare at the window. After a while my mind goes blank and I start to feel my face drying up, hardening the path the tears has created on my face. I don't know how long it was. It seemed that a long time has passed yet it seemed just a while ago.

The window glass is filled with water and mist. The window pane becomes opaque. My eyes close as if longing for rest and sleep from a long time. I sleep unaware of my surroundings.

I wake up for the jerks of the train. The first thing I do is look towards/through the window to know where I am. I notice the water drops and mist surrounding the window slowly fading. The glass starts to become clean and transparent again.

I feel a sense of calmness inside me. The calmness after a frightening storm or a threatening war. The clouds have cleared. What I see is completely new, green and cheerful.

It was as if the water came to clear the picture that I was seeing {through window}, the picture I disliked and replacing it with something bright, lovely and filled with hope.

The train came to a halt at my stop. I got down and moved on with new hope and aspirations. I moved on.

I slipped

I reached the coffee day holding a packet of ice cubes with hand on my head. My friends were a little surprised to see me so, as I was perfectly fine the last evening when they left me. The obvious and common question before morning wishes were exchanged was "What happened?". I delayed the explanation to fuel myself with a cup of hot cappuccino and started with "Last night..

..as I prepared my bed and lied on it, just as I was about to sleep, I sensed my room was slowly getting cooler. I wondered if I was sleeping on the remote of my AC. No, I wasn’t. The window was open and the curtains were fluttering to the wind that was trying to tear them off. I stood up and went near the window to close it. What I saw as I neared the window was breathtaking. Though I liked the view of the city from my window, I never knew it was so exhilarating. My room was on the 99th floor of the Towers building. The last floor of the tallest tower in the city. I stepped in through the window to the balcony. The balcony was specifically designed as a safe side just in case people came near to the window and let things slip their hands in the shock from the scenery before them. As I completely came into the balcony, owing to my slim body, I was oscillating to the fiery cool wind at such high altitude. I was also slightly shivering. I stood at the edge curious to see how it looked below. At such a height I hoped it was the same as above , everything clear and covered in clouds and mist. As I looked below I felt something pulling me down. I stepped back with a jerk. I let the feeling settle for few seconds. I thought this time I would look at it without being overcome by trepidation. I watched the emptiness below my feet and then looked at the one above. Then I heard some noise inside the room. For a moment, I forgot where I was and turned back. I lost balance and I slipped.

When I woke up I thought - my head hit the floor very hard."

kaafi hai

इन पलों को दिल में कैद रखो,

सालों बाद यूँ हो न हो,

तब जब मिलें तो काफी है अगर तुम ये कहो,

"हाँ यार तुम मुझे याद हो"

the call

from the diaries of Tanvi:

surprise(n.) : an emotion aroused by something suden of unexpected.

That is what I felt when I got a call from him His calm-and-low-voiced "hello" gave me goosebumps. He called me from his office. I wondered what it could be! "Whats up?" I said waiting for his next words. Nothing came to my mind as to what he would say I waited like the child waiting for the las drop of honey to come out the emptied bottle. As if he read my mind, he spoke nothing for few seconds. Then he said, "Nothing I called you just like that".

I felt light at heart when I heard it. Middle of the day, stuck in a problem with my work, all I could ask him was, "Hows work?".He gave a quick answer - fine. We talked few seconds about how everything was going on. I sensed some uneasiness in his voice. He was hesitating to ask something I said, "Want to ask me something?" He murmured and said, "Well nothin much.. call me if you would like to have a chat, when ever you are free". He waited for my "OK" and disconnected the call

With a single phone call, he pushed me far away from my work, from the place I was in, from the state I was in. "Call me if you can". That's how our relation began The first time we talked, more or less happened the same way. Strangers as we were, we talked about our childhood days and I said these words before he cut the call. "Call me if you can, when you are free".

for her…

They don’t call it breaking down,
Life is all about bearing it and going on

It doesn’t always turn as we expect it,
We just dream and plan and we work for it.

In relations, you always have to choose,
In one view  you win, in another you lose.

Talking about me! I am not so nice
that you would want me more that twice.

I’ve taken a decision & will stick to my pain,
Want us to be in touch so you won’t cry if we meet again.

I can help you lady, if you can’t forget the past,
Its spring time, shed your tears & have a blast.

what are you afraid of when you can commit at an early age!
You r more matured now, you can judge what’s true & what’s fake.

Life ain’t small to stop after a single feeling,
Take a look inside, there is still room till the ceiling.

Change your motto to: Live, love, enjoy, regale!
There’s so big a life between THE inhale & THE exhale.

You mourned enough, now its time to leave it and go,
From now on I say – Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.