from the diaries of Tanvi
How come I feel something so different at the same time?
A feeling of being scared and secure.
The evening seems perfect. I am in the balcony of my apartment and am dressed in nice and attractive casual dress. The room is bright with light and wine is filled in the glass. A nice location for a great date. I am standing in the balcony facing my room and am doing a soft dance to the music I hear in my head. The only company I have is the wind rustling the leaves. I feel the cool breeze rushing past me and making me realize my sense of touch along the contours of my body. I am slowly swinging to the sound of the invisible guitar , drums and keyboard. It feels so calm.
But from the corner of my eye I notice a city far across the lake. The city is filled with lights and its reflection is dancing on the ripples of the lake created by the wind that fondles the water. I imagine the streets filled with piercing lights, heavy traffic and noisy crowd. A sense of discomfort starts to creep in my heart. Suddenly I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, as if it is getting hotter slowly. My mind starts sweating and the sweat mixes with my blood pumping up the temperature and making my skin turn red. Is it the wine or just my imagination? A part of me wants to roam around the street without getting tainted in mind, body and heart. Is this the feeling the moth gets when attracted to a light.
As I try to analyze and rationalize, the street in my imagination becomes desolate. The street lights are glowing orange but there is hardly any crowd. Torn paper flies in front of my eyes. The wind is sweeping the lanes like a maid hurrying in her work to go to the next street. It feels very uncomfortable. It takes me few seconds to realize that I have walked into my imagination and as soon as I realize I am back to my balcony. Suddenly I feel the weight of the tiredness on my shoulders and I sit down. Now the balcony seems a cold place to stay any more. The cool wind starts to make my body shiver. I walk into my room and shut the door. I switch off the light, neglect the wine and fall on bed with a disturbed mind and shut my eyes off for the night.
How come I feel something so different at the same time?
A feeling of being scared and secure.
The evening seems perfect. I am in the balcony of my apartment and am dressed in nice and attractive casual dress. The room is bright with light and wine is filled in the glass. A nice location for a great date. I am standing in the balcony facing my room and am doing a soft dance to the music I hear in my head. The only company I have is the wind rustling the leaves. I feel the cool breeze rushing past me and making me realize my sense of touch along the contours of my body. I am slowly swinging to the sound of the invisible guitar , drums and keyboard. It feels so calm.
But from the corner of my eye I notice a city far across the lake. The city is filled with lights and its reflection is dancing on the ripples of the lake created by the wind that fondles the water. I imagine the streets filled with piercing lights, heavy traffic and noisy crowd. A sense of discomfort starts to creep in my heart. Suddenly I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, as if it is getting hotter slowly. My mind starts sweating and the sweat mixes with my blood pumping up the temperature and making my skin turn red. Is it the wine or just my imagination? A part of me wants to roam around the street without getting tainted in mind, body and heart. Is this the feeling the moth gets when attracted to a light.
As I try to analyze and rationalize, the street in my imagination becomes desolate. The street lights are glowing orange but there is hardly any crowd. Torn paper flies in front of my eyes. The wind is sweeping the lanes like a maid hurrying in her work to go to the next street. It feels very uncomfortable. It takes me few seconds to realize that I have walked into my imagination and as soon as I realize I am back to my balcony. Suddenly I feel the weight of the tiredness on my shoulders and I sit down. Now the balcony seems a cold place to stay any more. The cool wind starts to make my body shiver. I walk into my room and shut the door. I switch off the light, neglect the wine and fall on bed with a disturbed mind and shut my eyes off for the night.
