Hug

Everything in the room seems to exist just for the sake of existence. Nothing in the room shows a protest of being misplaced or mishandled. Even the half closed door seems to be in concurrence with its position. Half the room is filled with light from the florescent lamp in the adjacent room. The fan is set at just the right speed to personify the cool breeze in the house to a small kid running & playing in and out of each room, resonating the feeling and ambience of comfort. She slowly glides towards me in her pink night dress and gives out her hand.
 
Lying on the bed, I look at her eagerly and stretch out my hand to hold hers. She pulls me up effortlessly and I stand right in front of her. I feel her warm breath on my chest and I move close to softly kiss her shoulders. She slowly drags me walking back and pulls me to a corner of the room near the wardrobe beside the shower room. She seems to be few steps ahead of me for she kept on the shower with hot water running. As she opens the door, the steam rushes upon us challenging the warmth in our intimacy. I pull her close and stand in front of the open door letting the steam flow into the room creating a mix of hot and cold air inside. We move towards each other as if two pieces of a puzzle are being brought to their right place to complete the picture. We hug.

Neither tightens the grip but still feel inseparable. Seconds turn to minutes and then hours and time comes to a halt. Holding its breath it gazes at us. We hear nothing else apart from two hearts beating slowly falling in synch forming a peaceful rhythm. For the first time a wave of gratitude towards being alive flows through the body.

That day..

from the diaries of Tanvi:

They say it hurts only if you let it and I say yeah! I know it but try it and see. 

Get so close to someone that they are all that you see. The eyes move with them not looking at the reality and one day they will be gone and you will be overwhelmed by the scene you are left in. You become a stranger in the place you live.

It was he who always thought about everything in terms of right and wrong, good and bad. He used to judge people by their acts without even giving a few minutes of thought to the circumstances they would have been in. Yet he always got things done in the way he wanted them. He cribbed about people, their behaviour, had complaints and always wanted things to happen in the way he imagined in his mind. He couldn’t handle any situation unprepared. His behaviour was controlled by a strange function which would result in a large amount of mood swing due to a small deviation from his expectation. At times I wondered why he never came to terms with the possibility that things don’t turn out in the way we want them to be always, as there may be a large amount of unfamiliar elements that can intervene with our present. I used to shower the little bit of theosophical stuff at him when he took a break from his anxiety and anguish. After the little shower he would shake his head violently shouting out ‘this food for thought is causing indigestion for me, lets get a coffee to dry out of this’ , with a deceiving smile. That smile would blow my seriousness away and make me fall for whatever he said. Either he did not want to get involved in such discussions or he dint really care, I never could know.

At times when I used to write something about my feelings, a situation, a scene imagined, he would look at it, correct the grammar, check its familiarity in thought and wordings and finally declare out his opinion in very few selected words. Mostly of which 'good' was always a part. He never went beyond the lines to know the uncharted lands of my heart and my imagination. He always seemed hesitant as if he felt safer looking at them only from a distance.

I could not take this negligence of me as whole any longer. I drank an ocean full of courage and decided to part ways. As an advice I wanted him to know why I took such a step and shouted on his face - Liking you is the hardest thing to do. He said - No, pretending not to like you is.

Em!

There is a solace in your songs,
As if someone is embracing me in their arms,

They take me to a place I want to be,

They ease my heart and give me peace!

Planets, we are!

from the diaries of Tanvi

"I alone am not your world, right!"

That’s how he gave me permission to take leave for the day after we met for a sip of coffee. A small part of me was wondering with a gleeful smile as it is one of the lines we would want to hear at sometime in a relation. But the other contemplated comparing the situation and scenes that happened between us. This part dominated and I was lost in thought.

There were times when I behaved like he is the only one I have to take care in my life. But at every such impression of mine, his actions reprimanded me on my thought process and fenced my feelings. It resulted in me coming to a conclusion that we are in two different worlds. At times I even fail to understand his state of mind and it keeps bothering me.

We are two different planets revolving in our orbits, mutually exclusive and independent. There is not even a minor chance of us colliding. The pattern of our orbits is such that we come very close to each other at a certain point of time. Past few years seem to be that period. Few things get exchanged, moved, thrown apart due to mutual gravitational forces but after this phase, we part in our separate ways without any knowledge of when we are going to come close again!!

what the song made me feel!

A quality, a feeling, an opportunity, a power solely belonging to me. Irrevocably mine.

Perceived through the eye and realized in the heart without the intervention of the mind. A power to shift worlds in an instant. To enter a euphoric plane where the bonds to this mortal and mundane world are broken without disturbing anything in and around. To feel senselessness. To be aware of being caught unawares.

To forget all worry, all sorrow and be as clear as a glass, with a face as transparent showing the apparent amazement at the cause. To hold an overwhelming innocence in the eyes with a desire that is pristine, without any envious motive. To completely and consciously be in control of something that is not me. In just a glance, going into a state that cannot be descried but only experienced. A state that can be counted in the genre of divinity owing to its purity, innocence and awe.
Yaaradi Nee Mohini!


(me and mine are mere references to a boy)

This, We Rap

I tried my hand at dissing someone, and my pen has really given a stab!

A Psychotic version, one in a million specimen, miniature king Kong,

For your uncouth and disheveled behavior I hereby present you a song,

You suffer from diarrhea, you stink and you leak shit wherever you go,

You got a loose tongue; I am talking about the shit that comes out of your mouth

Bloated belly smoke engine, you also suffer from malnutrition on reality

Your opinion of Ram is great is not going to help you in a war with me

I was once warned not to go for a fight with a pig, cause it got nothing to loose

Falling in the mud, I get dirt and its gonna enjoy, it seems to be the same with you

But hell I care of what you think, if you pull me down, I might as well piss

Either way your dumb retarded mind can’t differentiate a hit from a miss

Your disease is the brain freeze; your mind reboots every few mins it starts

You gape in air, like ape you stare, a smell of farts spreads as you pass

You talk about rules, as if on booze, you don’t get half of what's being said

An irrational git, an imprudent jerk, are the proper terms for you that fit

A farce in the name of head of the pack, your own wolves are ready to attack

as they have been kept in hunger for too long, teasing and telling a pile of crap

Interestingly if you ever read these lines, you will not even realize

That every single word is aimed at you and you would simply prove them right

what the song did to me!

It starts with an enticing voice calling me somewhere indicating something interesting is happening. Then it tells me that the interesting thing is me. It pulls me with tender hands and makes me do a soft dance. It pushes me teasingly and sends me up in the air with its gentle pushes. I fall down. It catches me and swings me higher. After few more swings, it gives one final push and sends me floating in the air. I slowly descend from the sky, lying on my back. It gives time to tranquilize, my anxiousness settles and heart beat returns to normal. No sooner I feel in control, it spins me around and launches me in the air leaving me helpless to feel the full effect of the free fall. But miraculously, I fall on a soft bed. I keep sinking in it till I slow down and stand up by myself.

Someone screams my name and I consciously close the door on this bliss and return to my work, smiling at myself.

Every Time

from the diaries of Tanvi:

I stop in my tracks. I try to find some support. I stop whatever I am doing. Each and every incident, from the first day that u confessed the million feelings you had locked inside your heart since a long time ,  starts to play on (the film of) my mind. The innocence in your eyes at every word you said, the happiness coming out in bursts with the words that came out of your mouth appear so vividly to me that reality blurs. I lose track of time. 

The first shivers that ran through my spine when you took out the Rose with mischievous smile, the first time you took me in your arms and kissed me in the dark, the first time you held my arm as we walked along the beach, all the times from then that you never left it, the times we made fool of each other in front of all by staring for too long, the flying kisses that missed the targets, the silly messages and night long calls,the code words we created,the traces that we deleted - all these roll one after the other.I gape into nothingness looking at all these in my mind's eye. 

Comes atlast the moment, me breaking the promise, like a hungry predator waiting behind bushes to pound on it's prey. All the memories melt and flow out as tears. My hands don't even dare to touch them leave aside wiping them. I let them dry on my face. Disappointed at myself I walk away. This repeats every time you come to my mind.

Eco song

Look around you and tell me what you see,

Don’t you realize what you are doing to me?

If only our planet earth could speak,

And asked to answer your actions, are you ready?

I have set the clock running

But you are trying to stop it from turning,

Nurturing the first life form I enabled evolution,

But you are sterilizing me with industrial revolution

You are choking me with plastic , draping air with acids,

Became a termite virus and destroyed the whole forests

Look around you and tell me what you see,

Don’t you realize what you are doing to me?

If only our planet earth could speak,

And asked to answer your actions, are you ready?

Now I can give you no more rain, who else is to blame,

The Living heart quenches its thirst with tears in pain,

beautiful ice castles that I built in different shapes

Are melting down in the rising carbon heat waves

I have shown my wrath, you have seen the Tsunami,

But you still don’t seem to stop in exploiting me

Look around you and tell me what you see,

Don’t you realize what you are doing to me?

This is how the earth would speak,

Come lets correct our mistakes, are you ready?

Lets own a tree each and plant a thousand others

As a homage to one tree that withers,

Lets save electricity and use resources dutiful

Let day be bright and let night - dark and beautiful

Lets recycle most and reduce our carbon foot print

Lets go green for a future - colorful and magnificent

Look around you and tell everyone you see,

That we have planned how this is going to be,

To hand our future generations a home,

So marvelous and breathtaking indeed.

Confession!

She said it loud, not that everyone had to hear it, there were only two of us present. She was ascertaining her feeling by saying it aloud so that every part of her understands and acts accordingly and that every part of mine does the same. Her body was so heated up with the feeling that I could see slight movement in her hands and the heat was melting her thoughts into water that I could see in her eyes. The moment robbed us of words. I could see the sincerity in her eyes. Her feeling was so pure and truthful, I was moved. I had to take a step back to bottle the scene for drinking it up later when I can digest it. There were no metaphors or similes, no quotes or sayings. They were three simple words telling what she felt, what she believes and what the base of her actions towards me is going to be. That day for the first time she openly said, "I hate you".

Why!

They hate me even before they see,

they treat me like some kind of freak

But i have got a smile on my face,

and just a different kind of taste.

My jokes are little practical,

I am a different class of criminal.

Another man in the city, no one mysterious,

now, now, .. why so serious?!