Hug

Everything in the room seems to exist just for the sake of existence. Nothing in the room shows a protest of being misplaced or mishandled. Even the half closed door seems to be in concurrence with its position. Half the room is filled with light from the florescent lamp in the adjacent room. The fan is set at just the right speed to personify the cool breeze in the house to a small kid running & playing in and out of each room, resonating the feeling and ambience of comfort. She slowly glides towards me in her pink night dress and gives out her hand.
 
Lying on the bed, I look at her eagerly and stretch out my hand to hold hers. She pulls me up effortlessly and I stand right in front of her. I feel her warm breath on my chest and I move close to softly kiss her shoulders. She slowly drags me walking back and pulls me to a corner of the room near the wardrobe beside the shower room. She seems to be few steps ahead of me for she kept on the shower with hot water running. As she opens the door, the steam rushes upon us challenging the warmth in our intimacy. I pull her close and stand in front of the open door letting the steam flow into the room creating a mix of hot and cold air inside. We move towards each other as if two pieces of a puzzle are being brought to their right place to complete the picture. We hug.

Neither tightens the grip but still feel inseparable. Seconds turn to minutes and then hours and time comes to a halt. Holding its breath it gazes at us. We hear nothing else apart from two hearts beating slowly falling in synch forming a peaceful rhythm. For the first time a wave of gratitude towards being alive flows through the body.

That day..

from the diaries of Tanvi:

They say it hurts only if you let it and I say yeah! I know it but try it and see. 

Get so close to someone that they are all that you see. The eyes move with them not looking at the reality and one day they will be gone and you will be overwhelmed by the scene you are left in. You become a stranger in the place you live.

It was he who always thought about everything in terms of right and wrong, good and bad. He used to judge people by their acts without even giving a few minutes of thought to the circumstances they would have been in. Yet he always got things done in the way he wanted them. He cribbed about people, their behaviour, had complaints and always wanted things to happen in the way he imagined in his mind. He couldn’t handle any situation unprepared. His behaviour was controlled by a strange function which would result in a large amount of mood swing due to a small deviation from his expectation. At times I wondered why he never came to terms with the possibility that things don’t turn out in the way we want them to be always, as there may be a large amount of unfamiliar elements that can intervene with our present. I used to shower the little bit of theosophical stuff at him when he took a break from his anxiety and anguish. After the little shower he would shake his head violently shouting out ‘this food for thought is causing indigestion for me, lets get a coffee to dry out of this’ , with a deceiving smile. That smile would blow my seriousness away and make me fall for whatever he said. Either he did not want to get involved in such discussions or he dint really care, I never could know.

At times when I used to write something about my feelings, a situation, a scene imagined, he would look at it, correct the grammar, check its familiarity in thought and wordings and finally declare out his opinion in very few selected words. Mostly of which 'good' was always a part. He never went beyond the lines to know the uncharted lands of my heart and my imagination. He always seemed hesitant as if he felt safer looking at them only from a distance.

I could not take this negligence of me as whole any longer. I drank an ocean full of courage and decided to part ways. As an advice I wanted him to know why I took such a step and shouted on his face - Liking you is the hardest thing to do. He said - No, pretending not to like you is.

Em!

There is a solace in your songs,
As if someone is embracing me in their arms,

They take me to a place I want to be,

They ease my heart and give me peace!

Planets, we are!

from the diaries of Tanvi

"I alone am not your world, right!"

That’s how he gave me permission to take leave for the day after we met for a sip of coffee. A small part of me was wondering with a gleeful smile as it is one of the lines we would want to hear at sometime in a relation. But the other contemplated comparing the situation and scenes that happened between us. This part dominated and I was lost in thought.

There were times when I behaved like he is the only one I have to take care in my life. But at every such impression of mine, his actions reprimanded me on my thought process and fenced my feelings. It resulted in me coming to a conclusion that we are in two different worlds. At times I even fail to understand his state of mind and it keeps bothering me.

We are two different planets revolving in our orbits, mutually exclusive and independent. There is not even a minor chance of us colliding. The pattern of our orbits is such that we come very close to each other at a certain point of time. Past few years seem to be that period. Few things get exchanged, moved, thrown apart due to mutual gravitational forces but after this phase, we part in our separate ways without any knowledge of when we are going to come close again!!