Why!

They hate me even before they see,

they treat me like some kind of freak

But i have got a smile on my face,

and just a different kind of taste.

My jokes are little practical,

I am a different class of criminal.

Another man in the city, no one mysterious,

now, now, .. why so serious?!

Invitation from death

from the diaries of Tanvi:
Its dark.I don't see anything mainly because my eyes are shut. Sensing my surroundings I understand I am surrounded by water. I am in the process of drowning. I am scared of water may be that's why I have shut my eyes. Any minute I am about to die but I don't know why I am dying.

Suddenly something grabs me by my whole body and pulls me out. But as my head comes above the surface I see that I am being pulled by my arm by some one in dark cloak with the face inside the hood. That figure resembles the dementor shown in Harry Potter movie. I don't feel scared but instead I hold on to the hand and help myself to climb into the boat in which that figure has come to rescue me. After I climb into the boat I realize there is one more man with spectacles with thick black borders. He appears like a confused geek, like one of the guys whom my boy friend makes fun of. I look at my dress to get an idea of where I was before this. I am wearing a dark long skirt. On some other day I would have looked sexy but now I am all wet but I am feeling uncomfortable as if it's very sunny with no air around. I discard the feeling.

The figure suddenly grabs a big pile of what seems like books kept one on the other, covered with a cloth from the postal dept and tied together. It lifts the packet and throws it into the water far away. I feel disturbed for they are my books, no they are memories piled as books and booklets. I am not going to get them back. That's when I realize I am in a boat which is in a very big lake, the water is stagnant, there are tree branches coming out of the water and are in the way as the boat moves slowly forward. The guy beside frowns at me and I hear something from him. I don't see his lips moving but I hear "what use are they for you when you are dead". I contemplate for few seconds and recollect that I was warned before coming to this place that it is equivalent to receiving invitation from death. Then I put the events that happened one after the other. I was suffocating under water and this figure,in dark black robes, invited me on to this boat. Is this figure the death?

I don't seem to worry about the fact that I am dead probably part of me doesn't believe this or doesn't believe on death itself. Either way I appear callous. I notice that there is no air around not even through my nostrils. I am not breathing.

The Treasured letter.

from the diaries of Tanvi:

It was a Sunday and he came all the way to give me a piece of paper.

It read -

Lets not call this anything, lets not give this a name. These moves are very different, it seems to be different game. Just a day before everything was crisp and clear but just a close and open of eye and it seems blurred. Fogged by my own thoughts/conclusions or should I say expectations on the people around me and the situations that are yet to be. What are you to me? At times I feel you close and at times you are nobody. But what ever it is I admit that I like it. May be because of the lack of responsibilities or obligations between each other. Hmph! What a careless thought! May be it is not what I said, may be coz it is maintenance free and anytime ready. Lets see as time flies by, what would happen to "we".

I don't know why I still treasure it!

Change..

In a suburb train. It's cold inside because of the AC. Outside because of the rain that is about to start. Train starts. I am going far off from the life I had till now. The life I have been dying {to live} fighting with each and everything that came in my way. Struggling to win a fight between myself & nothingness. Facing the life of helplessness and friendlessness. As the train catches speed I look at the glass widow. {Water starts to accumulate on the window pane} It starts to rain and a single stream of water comes out my eyes stealthily, helplessly. The image of the city gets messier through the window pane. Within no time I see only water. On the window, on my face, in my hands. I try hard to erase the memories of the past. I move my head to the sides slowly no to get noticed, consciously trying to shake off the memories from my head & tears rolling from my eyes. I stare at the window. After a while my mind goes blank and I start to feel my face drying up, hardening the path the tears has created on my face. I don't know how long it was. It seemed that a long time has passed yet it seemed just a while ago.

The window glass is filled with water and mist. The window pane becomes opaque. My eyes close as if longing for rest and sleep from a long time. I sleep unaware of my surroundings.

I wake up for the jerks of the train. The first thing I do is look towards/through the window to know where I am. I notice the water drops and mist surrounding the window slowly fading. The glass starts to become clean and transparent again.

I feel a sense of calmness inside me. The calmness after a frightening storm or a threatening war. The clouds have cleared. What I see is completely new, green and cheerful.

It was as if the water came to clear the picture that I was seeing {through window}, the picture I disliked and replacing it with something bright, lovely and filled with hope.

The train came to a halt at my stop. I got down and moved on with new hope and aspirations. I moved on.

I slipped

I reached the coffee day holding a packet of ice cubes with hand on my head. My friends were a little surprised to see me so, as I was perfectly fine the last evening when they left me. The obvious and common question before morning wishes were exchanged was "What happened?". I delayed the explanation to fuel myself with a cup of hot cappuccino and started with "Last night..

..as I prepared my bed and lied on it, just as I was about to sleep, I sensed my room was slowly getting cooler. I wondered if I was sleeping on the remote of my AC. No, I wasn’t. The window was open and the curtains were fluttering to the wind that was trying to tear them off. I stood up and went near the window to close it. What I saw as I neared the window was breathtaking. Though I liked the view of the city from my window, I never knew it was so exhilarating. My room was on the 99th floor of the Towers building. The last floor of the tallest tower in the city. I stepped in through the window to the balcony. The balcony was specifically designed as a safe side just in case people came near to the window and let things slip their hands in the shock from the scenery before them. As I completely came into the balcony, owing to my slim body, I was oscillating to the fiery cool wind at such high altitude. I was also slightly shivering. I stood at the edge curious to see how it looked below. At such a height I hoped it was the same as above , everything clear and covered in clouds and mist. As I looked below I felt something pulling me down. I stepped back with a jerk. I let the feeling settle for few seconds. I thought this time I would look at it without being overcome by trepidation. I watched the emptiness below my feet and then looked at the one above. Then I heard some noise inside the room. For a moment, I forgot where I was and turned back. I lost balance and I slipped.

When I woke up I thought - my head hit the floor very hard."