That day..

from the diaries of Tanvi:

They say it hurts only if you let it and I say yeah! I know it but try it and see. 

Get so close to someone that they are all that you see. The eyes move with them not looking at the reality and one day they will be gone and you will be overwhelmed by the scene you are left in. You become a stranger in the place you live.

It was he who always thought about everything in terms of right and wrong, good and bad. He used to judge people by their acts without even giving a few minutes of thought to the circumstances they would have been in. Yet he always got things done in the way he wanted them. He cribbed about people, their behaviour, had complaints and always wanted things to happen in the way he imagined in his mind. He couldn’t handle any situation unprepared. His behaviour was controlled by a strange function which would result in a large amount of mood swing due to a small deviation from his expectation. At times I wondered why he never came to terms with the possibility that things don’t turn out in the way we want them to be always, as there may be a large amount of unfamiliar elements that can intervene with our present. I used to shower the little bit of theosophical stuff at him when he took a break from his anxiety and anguish. After the little shower he would shake his head violently shouting out ‘this food for thought is causing indigestion for me, lets get a coffee to dry out of this’ , with a deceiving smile. That smile would blow my seriousness away and make me fall for whatever he said. Either he did not want to get involved in such discussions or he dint really care, I never could know.

At times when I used to write something about my feelings, a situation, a scene imagined, he would look at it, correct the grammar, check its familiarity in thought and wordings and finally declare out his opinion in very few selected words. Mostly of which 'good' was always a part. He never went beyond the lines to know the uncharted lands of my heart and my imagination. He always seemed hesitant as if he felt safer looking at them only from a distance.

I could not take this negligence of me as whole any longer. I drank an ocean full of courage and decided to part ways. As an advice I wanted him to know why I took such a step and shouted on his face - Liking you is the hardest thing to do. He said - No, pretending not to like you is.